Any two people can become husband and wife… But to be friends with your spouse - to want to be around them, to want to spend time with them and share your thoughts with them, to want to relax and enjoy everything and nothing with them, to feel alone without them and to think of them and to miss them… To want them by your side because they are your closest companion… To want them on levels other than a spouse… To want their companionship, their friendship… That is a true blessing.
She’s having a rough time, she’s overwhelmed by all the changes around her, all the things she is having to contemplate on which never crossed her mind before, just like it’s different for you, it is for her too, only on a much larger scale. Be easy on her.
She’s new at this whole marriage thing, and yeah, you are too but let’s just consider her for a brief moment and not yourself okay? Let’s just think about all the changes she is having to go through. Let’s just work on accommodating her first, I promise you you won’t go neglected. Ever since the date of the marriage was confirmed, she has been on an emotional roller-coaster, you weren’t there to see it but she has been all over the place, and even she told you about it, there’s a lot she kept to herself. The thought of leaving your home, with your parents who have always been there throughout your life to go spend the rest of your life with a stranger is all on it’s own gut-wrenching enough. Remember that this isn’t a doubt in your character, rather it’s the loss of familiarity and change which causes fear in her heart. There’s also hope; for a new beginning, for love, for company, for new ways to attain Allah’s pleasure and for happiness. It’s a bittersweet feeling, so understand if she looks a little afraid on the big day, if she sheds a few tears while she is in the arms of her father before leaving, if she spends some time telling you how she misses her family. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to get married, or that she is complaining upon how you keep her at hrs new home, it’s just a natural feeling. Man was created weak and emotional, it’s okay to feel that way so don’t alienate her, comfort her.
When she becomes halal for you, remember that this is a huge turn on what she was used to for decades. She was always taught to cover herself in front of non-mahrams, she spent a good chunk of her life just working on keeping herself chaste so don’t expect her to slip it all away on the first night of the new halal-ness. She may need some time to adjust to the new rules, and as tempted as you may be, remember that if you show consideration to her now, she will InshaAllah return the favor for you for the rest of your life. She may ask you to wait a few days or even weeks after the nikah but you have her for the rest of your time in this dunya inshaAllah. It’ll be worth the wait especially when she will always remember and appreciate this gesture. Remember that no other pair of eyes have been permitted to see what you are now so keep in mind that she will be conscious about herself. Women are often more harsh towards themselves than their husband are towards them in regards to their appearance. She may wonder how much the media has influenced your liking and if you would compare her to the models and women there and feel worse about herself so don’t even by mistake make a sarcastic comment or a negative statement towards her appearance. I know everyone thinks that their wife is the most beautiful woman in the world in the beginning of marriage so my point seems a little irrelevant but sometimes, even the slightest remarks and stick and scar. Be extremely careful of your speech.
InshaAllah with time she will step into your kitchen and make your house a home but hey, not everyone’s a pro right away so give her some rope. She wouldn’t know how you would like your food or how to proportion the seasoning and the spices for you so be fair to her and don’t compare her cooking to your mother’s, who has been feeding and pampering you with food for decades exactly how you like it. She may screw up sometimes, excuse her. Offer to help out if she’s having a rough time up there and lend her a hand. Try to make things easier for her till she gets used to it. Don’t expect her to be amazing at everything because when you see her flaws, you won’t be able to hide your disappointment and she will take it way too personally. Don’t expect her to sacrifice automatically when there is a disagreement regarding a decision, if she does, appreciate it and if she doesn’t, don’t complain. Take care of her especially in the beginning, you don’t know how many times she would’ve panicked simply because she’s not used to it all. She’s fragile. Handle with care. When you give her your thoughts, she won’t mind giving you her everything. Even if you see no reciprocation, do it. Show her love so that Allah may show you love. Be merciful towards her so Allah may have mercy upon you. Pardon her for his mistakes so He can pardon you for yours. Your reward is from Him, anything you get on this planet is a bonus.
It may seem like it’s a lot to ask but it requires no money, barely any effort and hardly any time. All it requires is some consideration. If you can manage to keep her feelings in mind before any word or action and she can do the same for you, your marriage is made. The key is consideration.
“Every beginning is a consequence - every beginning ends some thing.”
— Paul Valery
December 10, 2013
February 09, 2013
0 Another Blog
Time changed. Now, there's so many website can use to do blogging, even the small blog or the real one. I have made some of them, and every single blog have unique purpose...
Just want to share mine
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January 19, 2013
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